Review: Outside the Ordinary World by Dori Ostermiller

Thirty years and three thousand miles from that history, I can't believe it's come to this--pacing past the stacks of Parenting and Family Circle while my thirteen-year-old, on the other side of that door, makes her case against me. Don't we all assume we'll do it differently, not repeat the past? We believe with all our hearts that we can rise above the things they couldn't. Sometimes, our beliefs blind us. [pg 10]

Outside the Ordinary World by Dori Ostermiller
Mira, 2010
Fiction; 376 pgs

My roommate and I were both psychology majors. She was working on a paper about infidelity and she asked me if I thought I could stay with a husband how had cheated on me. My answer was instantaneous. Of course not. No hesitation. The more we talked, however, the more I began to wonder. I still doubt I could stay in a relationship with someone who had broken my trust in that way, but I eventually came to see that it wasn't black and white. And you really never can know what you would do unless you were in that situation yourself. Relationships of any kind can be complex, marriage especially so. The reasons for infidelity vary and some couples are able to work through whatever issues they had that brought them to that particular juncture in their lives. Some aren't. So, while I don't condone infidelity, I do, on some level, understand why it can happen in certain instances. A breakdown of communication is often at the core. There are exceptions, of course. There are bad people out there, after all. And sometimes couples do grow apart.

Dori Ostermiller's novel, Outside the Ordinary World, tells the story of a family in turmoil. Sylvia finds herself unhappy in her marriage and frustrated with her life. She is an artist who hasn't felt inspired to paint like she once was, feels neglected by her husband, and overwhelmed by her motherly duties. When Tai walks into her life she gives in to her longings--here is someone who is interested in her, listens to her and has reawakened something in her that has long been dormant. Ironically, she finds herself on a similar path that her mother had led many years ago, despite her promise to herself that she'd be nothing like her. Sylvia's own mother had an affair for years; she, too, unhappy in her marriage and with her life. Their two stories are different, however, on many levels as became evident as the two stories progressed and eventually came together. Sylvia's marriage with her husband was much different from that of her mother's and father's. The direction their lives took was also much different.

It is easy to judge Sylvia and her mother for the choices they made. Both made mistakes and many of them. I found myself especially angry at Sylvia's mother, Elaine, because she involved her children in her affair, asking them to keep Mr. Robert a secret for so many years. It put the girls in a very bad position, pitting them against their father in a way and making them choose sides.

The novel goes back and forth between the present and the past. We get a glimpse into Sylvia's childhood as Sylvia sees it as well as her current life. To a degree I empathized with Sylvia. What she was feeling and going through is normal. How we react to such feelings is what makes the difference. Sylvia chose to seek the intimacy she longed for elsewhere. I don't agree with her choices and admit to clicking my tongue at her behavior and rationalization more than once throughout the novel. And yet. I still felt for her and could see how she could make the choices she made, however wrong they were. And as the story progressed, it became more and more clear that she wasn't the only one to blame for her failing marriage.

What most interested me in the novel was the impact the affairs had on the children, both Sylvia and her sister and well as Sylvia's own children, particularly her oldest. While Elaine was more obvious in her affair, Sylvia tried to keep hers a secret from her children. Even despite that, her secretiveness and unhappiness had severe repercussions on the rest of her family.

Dori Ostermiller does a good job of creating characters who are flawed and very real, and, while I did find myself feeling bad for the husbands (Sylvia's and also her own father), they weren't completely innocent for their part in their crumbling marriages, which is often true in situations like theirs. In fact, I had difficult time feeling bad for Sylvia's father at times; some of his own actions really made me angry. It doesn't erase the blame and fault that falls squarely on the shoulders of the person who had the affair, but it can shed light on the why of it.

I also really appreciated how the author brought out the complexities in situations like this--that no two relationships are alike and that while couples do split up over affairs, attempts and actual reconciliation can also be a goal. Even in the aftermath, once the secret is out, however, it is not easy, not only for the couple but the children as well. There is no happily ever after ending.

Outside the Ordinary World tackles a subject matter that is outside of my comfort zone as I have rather strong negative feelings about infidelity. I wasn't sure how I would react to Sylvia. One of the aspects I love about fiction is being able to step outside of my own ordinary world and into that of others, including the lives of someone whose shoes I can't see myself walking in. I've always had an interest in knowing what makes people tick, why they make the decisions they do, and I find that often in the fiction I read. I never felt that Sylvia was a bad person, nor was her mother. They were lost and confused. I don't like the decisions they made, but when haven't we all made a mistake, some bigger than others? The hope is that we can learn from them so as not to make the same mistakes again.

Rating: (Very Good)


You can learn more about Dori Ostermiller and her book on the author's website. You can also find him on Facebook and Twitter. I hope you will check out what others had to say on the TLC Book Tours route!



Many thanks to the TLC Book Tours for the opportunity to be a part of this book tour. Book for review provided by the publisher.

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