Off The Bookish Path - A Personal Reflection

My life finally seems to be settling into a routine of sorts. I have been back to work for three weeks now. It was easy to some extent to jump back into the job even after so many weeks away. I had forgotten all of my passwords, of course (thank goodness I had written them down!), and my boss was promoted during my absence. Other than that though, work is work is work. I am fortunate to work in a field and with people I like. That has made the transition from being home with my baby back to work a tad easier. But only just a tad.

I miss Mouse terribly but am glad she at least is able to spend a few weeks in her father's care. My husband, Anjin, is wonderful with Mouse and she adores him. She has us both wrapped around her little finger just as it should be at this stage. I think the hard part will come when she does start daycare. We are very confident and happy with the person who will be caring for her while we are at work, but it doesn't make it any easier to be away from her for those few hours during the week.

The other night my husband commented how Mouse will soon be three months old. "We're going to make it," he said with relief. It's been a challenging three months in more ways than one. I have a few more gray hairs and the dark circles under my eyes have become a permanent fixture. Despite the not so good parts, there is so much about being a parent to a newborn I have come to love.

My heart melts when Mouse smiles at me. Her smile is more than just the upturn of her lips. It lightens her entire face and she throws her body into it. I love her squeals of laughter. Then there is cuddle time, especially after mealtime. She can sit (she hates to lay down unless she's sleeping or during feedings) for long stretches, silently taking in everything around her. At other times she is in constant motion. She loves to use her legs, kicking and stomping, trying to stand and walk. How could I not feel a swell of love for her when she grabs hold of my finger and won't let go? She isn't the biggest talker, but when she does talk, I always pay attention. I love it when her face scrunches up in frustration only to ease back into contentment when I reassure her I am there. I could gaze at her forever when she is sleeping, whether she has an arm thrown over her eyes, propped under her head or her hand under her chin. Oh, and I can just give her kisses and kisses and kisses . . . The list could go on forever. I am sure I am not the only mother who has taken pleasure in such things. How can we not marvel at the beauty and gift of trust our little ones give us?

As I've said, it isn't all sunshine and bliss. As many of you know, children are hard work. Your life isn't your own--at least not in the same way as before. Finding time for me and anything not baby related is quite a challenge. Add to that the occasional heart wrenching crying when nothing seems to console her, initial breastfeeding difficulties, the sleepless nights and the postpartum depression among other things. Suffice it to say, I am adjusting to parenthood and all its ups and downs.

The other big topic in my life right now is the move--and the new house. It was literally down to the wire, our buying of the new house dependent on the sale of our old house to the city. Somehow everything came together, but not without a lot of teeth gnashing and hair pulling. Then the move. Even with movers doing all the heavy lifting, it was an exhausting experience (I got over my fear of nursing in public quickly, let me tell you. Fortunately, the movers worked around me as best they could). My husband and I had been in our old house 10 years, and so it'd been a while since we last moved.

I love the new house. We are still getting to know the neighborhood but so far are happy with it. It's relatively quiet and, while I know crime can happen anywhere, I do feel safer. It took the cats awhile to adjust but they seem to be settling in well. It was touch and go there for awhile in regards to Anya. My dog Riley would be happy anywhere as long as I am there. The baby's presence has been hardest on him, my attention focused mostly on Mouse. My husband and I do what we can to make him feel loved too, but I know he feels a bit neglected. He pretty much ignores the baby at this point. She sure does love to watch him though. She's just beginning to take an interest in the cats.

Our new house is on the other side of town. It's farther away from the mall, bookstores and post office. It's farther away from a lot of the places we like to frequent. On the plus side, we are having fun exploring our new area when we can, and I live closer to my office now.

When I think back to where I was a year ago, I never imagined my life would so drastically change in such a short time. We were still trying to get pregnant and, as far as we knew, the city's plans to displace us and many of our neighbors were still just in the planning stage. I am in a totally different place than where I was back then--both figuratively and literally speaking.

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© 2011, Wendy Runyon of Musings of a Bookish Kitty. All Rights Reserved.If you're reading this on a site other than Musings of a Bookish Kitty or Wendy's feed, be aware that this post has been stolen and is used without permission.