Weekly Mews: The Reality of Now

I am linking up to the Sunday Post hosted by Kim of Caffeinated Book Reviewer, where participants recap our week, talk about what we are reading, share any new books that have come our way, and whatever else we want to talk about. I am also linking The Sunday Salon hosted by Deb Nance of Readerbuzz where participants discuss what they are reading and other bookish topics. 

I am having a hard time focusing on anything for long--reading, writing, even blogging. I go to work, come home, and just want to vegetate on the couch, cuddling with my daughter, and watch television. I am afraid to go to the stores. When a package is delivered, I take extra precautions when opening it and have left several in my garage, just sitting there unopened, hoping by the time I get to them, any virus will be dead. We have gotten pizza a couple nights, but for the most part, my husband cooks something. Finding things at the store is still so hard. We can really only go in the evenings or on weekends--and by then all the shelves have been picked over by the early birds. I have suggested to my husband we have groceries delivered, but I think he likes getting out of the house now and then since he is now working completely from home. We finally found someone who had tissue in stock online--and ordered some. It should arrive late next week. We are down to our last box. God forbid we use the precious toilet paper as a substitute which we also have not been able to find in any local stores.

I haven't been sleeping well. I find myself crying more frequently, sometimes multiple times a day for seemingly no reason, and often feel heaviness and pressure in my chest. My anxiety is through the roof. I've been trying to stay away from the news (which I get online mostly, and word of mouth since we don't have television channels that carry the news), but it is hard to avoid completely. Especially when I am at work. We are moving to work part of the time at home, at least. I will be working from home two days and then in the office the rest of the week starting this week. I would prefer to be working from home every day, safe at home with my family, but I will take what I can get. The joy of being an essential employee. . .

I know I am one of the lucky ones. I still am able to work and my job doesn't have me working face to face with the public. Some of my colleagues do not have that luxury. My manager has thinned us out enough (rotating who works at home or in the office) so that we can better practice social distancing in the office.

My husband, Anjin, is working from home for the time being, which has been a life saver for us. He also is an essential worker, and so it could have played out quite differently if he still had to go into the office. He is able to stay home with our daughter. Last week was his first week working from home. We had come up with a makeshift academic plan for Mouse, and she has managed well under the circumstances. My husband does not have a lot of flexibility in terms of how much he can work with her, so she's had to work independently for the most part. I am so grateful though that he has been able to do what he can. He has kept such a level head through all of this, helping me stay grounded, and taking lead with my daughter's education.

This past Friday Mouse was able to connect with her class via Zoom, and, from the sounds of it, the district is setting up classes via Google Classroom. Hopefully we will hear more about that soon. The teachers from her school arranged for a car parade Friday morning that drove through the students' neighborhoods, teachers and students cheering and waving to each other as the parade went by. I was able to arrange with a neighbor a couple doors down to keep an eye on Mouse while she was waiting for the parade to go by since Anjin could not leave the house and I was at work. Mouse was able to ride her scooter around our cul de sac with the neighbor's sons--keeping adequate social distance, of course.

Starting tomorrow, Mouse's dance classes and rehearsals will be done via Zoom. She is not too thrilled about the idea, if I am honest. It isn't the same, I know. Part of what she loves about her classes is being able to be among her friends. Hopefully once they get up and running, she will settle into the routine. I think it will do her good--get her moving more and have some contact with the outside world, even if in an unconventional way.

Through all of this, I am trying to be gentle with myself. The lack of control, the constant uncertainty, the fear and worry for loved ones, all of it and more, is exhausting. It takes a toll on the mind and the body. I do my best to keep it under control so that it does not affect my work or my daughter. I know that isn't entirely possible though--and I have to be okay with that. Some days (or hours) are better than others.

Humor helps some. When I can read, that does as well. I do a lot of re-framing and am trying to get back into writing. Writing down my feelings and thoughts helps. I have been trying to encourage my daughter to journal along side with me, but so far that hasn't worked. She did like my idea of writing letters to Earth while we are on a trip to Mars, cut off from everyone. I also find taking walks around the neighborhood helps. Some of our neighbors have put stuffed bears in their windows (we have too) so kids can go on "bear hunts" with their families.

I am intent on making Easter fun for my daughter as she keeps talking about it. Something to look forward to, at least. Our Easters have always been rather quiet. We aren't church going people. For Mouse is it more about waking up to find plastic eggs full of toys and candy hidden all over the house and yard. That we can do!

On the health front, we are all doing well--mostly. Mouse's and my allergies are ever present. My wrist is not bothering me anymore. I somehow pulled a muscle in my neck/shoulder, however, that is giving me a lot of trouble. It's hard to get comfortable. It does seem to lessening some, which is promising.

I would like to think my blogging will increase (as will my reading), but I make no promises. I hope all of you are safe and well and hanging in there as best you can!

What I Am Reading: I am about half way through Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty. Any other time, I probably would have loved the book, but right now it is probably not the best fit. I can only take the mama drama is small doses. I should have long ago picked something else up to read, but I have not been able to motivate myself to do even that.

Mouse and I are reading Sticks & Stones (Upside-Down Magic, #2) by Sarah Mlynowski, Lauren Myracle, and Emily Jenkins. We hadn't realized it was the second book in the series, which kind of explains why we were a bit lost in the beginning. We are not too far in at this point, but are enjoying it.

What I Am Watching: I started on season seven of Vampire Diaries. As a family, we have been watching a lot of Elementary--we are on the second season. I have also been catching some of the Christmas Hallmark movies. I even have the Christmas tree lights turned on (yes, our tree is still up--just not decorated) and the gas fireplace on to help set the mood. I finally saw the movie Ready Player One. It is a lot different from the book, of course, but I still enjoyed it.. Oh, and the Harry Potter movies. Mouse and I have been re-watching them. There's nothing like getting lost in the world of Harry Potter.

What I Am Grateful For: I am grateful for my family and this extra time with them, even if the conditions and reasons are not ideal. I am grateful to the friends who stepped into help with Mouse when I need them the most the week before last. I am grateful for our relatively good health. I am also grateful my husband and I are still working. I am grateful, like so many others, for all those essential employees who are doing their best under such trying circumstances. I am grateful for the sound of the birds singing outside and bears in windows.

How are you all holding up during these difficult times? What have you been up to? What are you reading? 

 I hope you all have a wonderful week! Happy Reading!

 Even my cats at the office are taking precautions

(one of my coworkers went around putting masks on our inanimate friends 

to help add some humor to the current crisis.)

My cubicle mate at work

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